CAUTIONARY WARNINGS  which may be included in the speech of the best man to a NEWLY WED YOUNG COUPLE NOVELTY CERTIFICATE 

These warnings are designed to be taken lightheartedly, create laughter and may stimulate to ponder.    The young couple see their future in most cases very rosy although reality is often quite different.   Nevertheless at the wedding function it all has to be fun and joy and only those should be read which fit the occasion.    Nevertheless it should stimulate the young couple to do what is needed not to have a war-like marriage but develop friendship and respect toward each other out of which lasting love is the result.   To have this beautiful art work is a big plus for the best man when formulating his speech. 

presents CAUTIONARY WARNINGS whlch may be Included in the speech of the best 
man to the newly wed young couple:

• Marriage is a war which is supposed to be bloodless, but remove all sharp and blunt 
objects from the house to be on the safe side.

• Marriage is not a democracy, it is captain Bligh and his mutinous crew.

• Both parties, having agreed to surrender to marriage, immediately start plotting to get 
their own way.

• Never ask your partner after sex who they were thinking of, lest the reply starts world war 
three.

• Marriage makes tyrants out of pacifists, demagogs of the mild-mannered.

• In the war of marriage the children are the helpless hostages, the prisoners of war; 
Geneva conventions should apply

• Marriage is a mousetrap that has caught two mice. When the cheese gets stale they 
become rats.

• In marriage, martyrdom and self-sacrifice are weapons of war; faithfulness is a timebomb 
waiting go off.

• Marriage is full of problems and troubles that you would not have if you had stayed single.

• Marriage has never elevated the spirit of man or woman - instead it makes of them liars, 
cowards and fools.

• Marriage is two fools tinkering with nitroglycerine; it is a leap into a crocodile infested 
river with not the least notion of how to swim.

• Marriage is a duel between two people using machine-guns instead of duelling pistols.

• After a lifetime of pointless battles neither party will understand the other; you will find 
both in their old age sitting exhausted and bewildered like visitors to a stranger in a 
madhouse.

• Marriage is the second form of insanity; the first was the delusion of being in love. One is 
happily the cure for the other.

• Falling in love is the dirty trick we play on ourselves; marriage is the punishment 
we believe we deserve for playing such a dirty trick.

• Perhaps you never really know your partner till you are sawing all you mutually own in 
half, after the divorce. 

Best Man Speech

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